By Donalee Wallace
The arrival of summer in the
Thompson-Okanagan fires up
a new seasonal attitude; halfnude
men turn up the heat on
construction sites, postagestamp
bikinis cause fender benders,
and there’s a lineup to every pub,
restaurant and bistro that furnishes
a patio.
Patrons cluster like moths to a
porch light for the ultimate outdoor
experience, we slide our butt cheeks
into overstuffed floral deck chairs
and never lose our, ‘cool,’ when
we singe our glutes on the hot
metal chair frame. With sunglasses
bungeed to our noggins we kick
back with that, ‘I’m too sexy for
myself’ look, anticipating a cool refreshing
pull of a lime-garnished
Corona. In that precise moment of
bliss, when all the world is right,
a passing pigeon shits on our new
leather flip flops, wasps the size
of Military F-18 Super Hornets
invite themselves to lunch, and
we discover we’re down wind of a
cattle liner parked 30 feet away.
We cling to the patio vibe
regardless of the contortionist
athletics involved in angling the
umbrella just right to avoid sun
burning one leg, an elbow and an
eyelid. What instinct drives us to
endure feral insect assaults, vehicle
exhaust fumes and squalls that reek
havoc with our patio umbrella,
parachuting it like Mary Frickin
Poppins into the street just as our
food arrives?
By the time we shoo the flies off
our food the sun has turned the
guacamole brown, melted the ice in
our cocktails and turned our beer
to skunk. With one hand we adjust
our clammy shorts, while the other
swats a bee off the nachos sending
a drink into the crotch of a fellow
patio diner, but, because we’re
outdoors the diner responds with a
laid back, ‘Dude, it’s all good.’
Part of the appeal is a warm
patio becomes a pleasant haven
for daydreaming; eyes closed,
head back, enjoying images of Pam
Anderson bobbing along a sandy
beach or Gerard Butler racing across
cliffs wearing a cheeky leather banana-hammock.
Now that’s a happy place!
No doubt about it, patio dining is the
perfect chill; it makes food tastier,
drinks a little stronger and
that dollop of bug poo adds the
missing ingredient.
